Darth Vader versus Mother Teresa

Author Neale Donald Walsh once said, “the struggle ends when gratitude begins”... but does it?

The other day I came across a statement noting there was a “dark side” to gratitude... it made me really curious to know, are there 2 sides to being thankful? Since I love research, I put my “nerdy squirrel” hat on and did some investigating.

Turns out... yes... there are two sides to gratitude. To illustrate, let’s name them Darth Vader and Mother

Teresa… lol.

Regarding the Mother Teresa side… studies show gratitude releases feel good chemicals, strengthens our relationships, improves our health, and even the quality of our sleep, helps us celebrate or feel centered.

Now on the Darth Vader side… studies show when overly used (or used to escape/deny uncomfortable feelings), gratitude may be counterproductive or even harmful... because it can magnify feelings of hopelessness or failure...and sets off our inner critic (especially when depressed).

Interesting (side) squirrel, if there are unequal power dynamics (such as at work or in society) gratitude may make speaking up, and/or voicing disagreement, less likely if you are in the minority or an underprivileged group.

With a better understanding of the two sides to gratitude, I took some time to see when Darth Vader and Mother Teresa appeared in my life.

I certainly felt the dark side of the force… lol… when I was depressed. I could clearly hear the Muppets 2 Old Men in the Balcony, Statler, and Waldorf (my inner critics) heckling at me and listing a litany of if only you… you shoulda… you coulda… if only you woulda… ha, you messed that one up… and you suck examples!

I can recall my inner critics saying at different times: If only I was a better leader... I should have handled that situation differently... I could have done better, but I suck compared to my coworker... I should have worked out and not had all those cookies... If only I lost more weight... I shouldn’t be angry, I should be more grateful.

The Darth Vader side of gratitude confirmed my own negative limiting belief that I picked up as a kid… I wasn’t good enough and a failure.

However, once I started practicing mindfulness, I was able to be more aware and accepting of my thoughts, in a nonjudgmental way. I shifted my mindset to curiously challenge my negative limiting beliefs and comments by my inner critic. I looked for ways what was being said were not true. I discovered by routinely practicing this, I felt more centered and it calmed the inner critic. I could then genuinely tap into my Mother Teresa side of gratitude and truly feel it.

I am curious, can you relate? How has Darth Vader appeared in your life?

I’d love to hear your thoughts and comments if this resonated with you.

-Taz