How to Avoid Comparison - Three Keys to Happiness in Life

Recently, I enjoyed lunch and caught up with a dear friend. She shared how proud she was of me, and wished she were as accomplished as I was. I paused and stared at her in confusion. I wished she could see herself as I see her! This remarkable woman had the courage to move to the U.S. only knowing her new spouse. She learned a second language. She experienced years of discrimination, without it impacting her compassion. She is intelligent, nurturing, and a wonderful gardener. She has been a successful wife and mom. While she experienced the death of her spouse, she still enjoys life, and adores being a grandmother! She is involved in her grandkids’ lives on a daily basis; creating lasting memories for her grandkids and their kids! 

How about for you? Do you ever find yourself comparing yourself to others, or not giving yourself enough credit? I know I used to! Unfortunately, comparison distorts the way we see ourselves and actually is a form of self-sabotage. We hyper-focus on what we don’t have and we can miss seeing how much we have experienced, accomplished, and/or overcome. Comparison can keep us stuck in fear and unhealthy habits, prevent us from accepting ourselves, or enjoying life.

Instead of comparing yourself to someone else, or focusing on what you don’t like in your life, try these three tips to help you shift your mindset from one of scarcity to abundance:

1. Reframe and Gratitude. Rather than comparing, ask yourself what can you learn from someone and how can you apply it in your life. Additionally, start a daily gratitude practice. Ask yourself what are you grateful for (in your life and about yourself). These help us focus on what we do have, begin to see the possibilities, and celebrate what we like/love.

2. Ask Curious Questions. What do you like in your life?  What would you like to do in your life? Imagine yourself three years from now and all you have accomplished. What did you do? What is preventing you from doing it (time, resources, fear, etc)? What is the worst that could happen if you didn’t accomplish your dreams? What are the benefits of making your dreams happen? These questions get you to think about what is possible and notice where there may be resistance.

3. Take Action. What is one small step you can do, today, towards the life you want to create, or the goal you want to accomplish? Author, Mel Robbins, describes an excellent tool that has helped thousands of people get over the fear and complacency that can keep us stuck in unhelpful/unhealthy habits. Just count down, “5-4-3-2-1” then move. She calls it “The 5 Second Rule” because it takes that long for our brain to start making excuses, and just as quickly we can move and take action. Taking small steps add up over time.

If you want to shift your mindset from negative comparison to positive possibilities, empowerment, and abundance, then try these three tips. As Mel Robins notes, “focus on everything that's going right. When you can celebrate all of the little wins that are happening each and every day, each and every week, you'll realize you are not far away from what you want. You are very much on your way to making what you want a reality.”

Let’s go create our happiness, y’all: “5-4-3-2-1-GO!”

(Original Article: Gig Harbor Living Local Magazine, January 2022)