“To Thy Own Self Be True“ - Why You Should Focus on Self Love First

Valentine’s Day is coming up. Doesn’t matter if you are a hopeless romantic or a scrooge, the thought of Valentine’s Day tends to bring up strong emotions about being alone.

Many people feel they either need to be in a relationship or are lonely if they are not. When did celebrating being in any relationship become a measure of our self-worth?

It got me thinking, what if you could have the Valentine’s Day you always wanted? Well, you can. Just focus on the most important relationship in your life...the relationship with yourself!

Shakespeare once said, “To Thy Own Self Be True.” When we really love and accept ourselves; we show up in life more authentically, feel alive, and genuinely love our life. There are 6 steps to being true to yourself:

1) Mindset: The lens through which you experience life, your world and reality.

Studies say we have over 60,000 thoughts a day, of which 95 percent are repetitive, and 80 percent of those are negative! This “fight or flight” perspective is how we see the world. To flip it, notice positive thoughts and experiences. Challenge yourself to list 5 ways you showed up for yourself or said something positive about yourself.

2) Mindfulness: Focusing on the present, and awareness of limiting beliefs and negative thoughts.

In a curious, non-judgmental, way ask what memories these thoughts/beliefs are associated with. Gently challenge them by looking for instances where they are not true. It helps soothe our inner critic and helps us feel calmer and more creative.

3) Gratitude: Genuinely acknowledge what you appreciate about yourself and your life.

Practiced regularly, gratitude improves overall health, well-being, resilience, and sleep. It also increases life, job, and relationship satisfaction. Challenge yourself to name six things you are thankful for about yourself and about your life.

4) Selfcare: What you deliberately do to give yourself the grace, compassion, and care you need.

Maybe it’s setting boundaries, taking time off to relax, hiring a babysitter, eating healthier, or working out. Selfcare is also remaining in integrity with who you are. Ask yourself if your beliefs, thoughts, actions, or the people in your life are serving and supporting you. If not, change it.

5) Forgiveness: A conscious decision to release resentment or negativity towards yourself and others.

When we harbor resentment, we give up our power and waste so much energy. Typically it ends up hurting ourselves more. Try writing a letter for yourself. Acknowledge the hurt, state how it has impacted you, and accept you cannot change the past. State what you need in specific terms for the future. Lastly, state you choose to forgive yourself (or the person), without expectation. Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting (or condoning), but letting go, so you can move on and give yourself closure.

6) Action. Continually taking small, consistent, action steps forward.

Love is a verb. We do something for others and ourselves to show we care. It puts our thoughts into positive practice. Don’t forget to celebrate the small wins. Even if imperfect, forward consistent action adds up to big changes over time.

While a healthy relationship can enhance your life, just as friendships and other relationships can; you have to be true to yourself first. Use this month as an opportunity to celebrate and reconnect with yourself by practicing these 6 steps.

What is one thing you can do to deepen your relationship with yourself?

(Original Article in the Gig Harbor Living Local Magazine, March 2021, page 22)